Does anyone else have arguments with themselves in their head, or is it just me? I feel like my mind is always in a constant conflict with itself, and it's a problem...
I don't mean trivial things like deciding what to eat or what to wear in the morning, but those more serious matters, like whether I should move out in September for Uni, or deciding what I want to do with my life afterwards... After conversing with Alice tonight, I realised that I don't actually have a plan for after Uni... I have no clue what I want to do as a career, and that has me terrified... I mean, I shouldn't worry too much, hardly anybody knows what they actually want to do in the future, and the best thing is that you can change your mind at any given moment. Your life is just that; yours.
Regardless, it's still pretty scary...
As if having continuous arguments with yourself isn't bad enough, throw someone else into the mix, and it gets a whole lot more complicated...
I'm pretty much always conflicted when it comes to the whole "put yourself first" thing... What does that even mean!? If you put someone else first, you're a pushover, if you put yourself first, you're selfish... There's absolutely no winning... The whole thing just confuses me, to the point where I curl up into a ball and avoid the situation altogether.
I think its worth noting that it's okay to put yourself first... If you're not going to, then who will? Being caught in a situation where I had to choose between my own happiness or sparing someone else's feelings was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make... And after feeling completely stuck for weeks, I realised that allowing myself to be unhappy was not okay. In retrospect, I made the right choice, although at the time I was driving myself insane constantly, yep you guessed it, arguing with myself...
I'm such an indecisive person, but I think that's purely because I'm terrified of outcomes... What if I make the wrong decision, and end up in a worse situation than before? What if I hurt someone else? Or even worse, what if I lose out on something amazing by taking the other path? Basically... I suck at making life decisions...
Someone please invent something that makes decisions easier? Thanks...
Chloe
I don't mean trivial things like deciding what to eat or what to wear in the morning, but those more serious matters, like whether I should move out in September for Uni, or deciding what I want to do with my life afterwards... After conversing with Alice tonight, I realised that I don't actually have a plan for after Uni... I have no clue what I want to do as a career, and that has me terrified... I mean, I shouldn't worry too much, hardly anybody knows what they actually want to do in the future, and the best thing is that you can change your mind at any given moment. Your life is just that; yours.
Regardless, it's still pretty scary...
As if having continuous arguments with yourself isn't bad enough, throw someone else into the mix, and it gets a whole lot more complicated...
I'm pretty much always conflicted when it comes to the whole "put yourself first" thing... What does that even mean!? If you put someone else first, you're a pushover, if you put yourself first, you're selfish... There's absolutely no winning... The whole thing just confuses me, to the point where I curl up into a ball and avoid the situation altogether.
I think its worth noting that it's okay to put yourself first... If you're not going to, then who will? Being caught in a situation where I had to choose between my own happiness or sparing someone else's feelings was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make... And after feeling completely stuck for weeks, I realised that allowing myself to be unhappy was not okay. In retrospect, I made the right choice, although at the time I was driving myself insane constantly, yep you guessed it, arguing with myself...
I'm such an indecisive person, but I think that's purely because I'm terrified of outcomes... What if I make the wrong decision, and end up in a worse situation than before? What if I hurt someone else? Or even worse, what if I lose out on something amazing by taking the other path? Basically... I suck at making life decisions...
Someone please invent something that makes decisions easier? Thanks...
Chloe
Don't worry! I'm in my second year of university and I still don't know what I want to do afterwards! It's not something you should put pressure on yourself for not knowing, you'll find that no one really knows! University is an amazing experience and I love it! It's something you should definitely consider! I'm going to write a blog post about it soon so look out for it if you're still undecided!!!!
ReplyDeleteEverything will work out :) xxxxx
Thank you Beth! You have no idea how much reassurance your comment has given me!
DeleteI'm very excited for University, to the point where I wish it was September already!
I'm sure during my course I'll find a path to follow, but for the meantime I'm just going to enjoy the 'not knowing' and see where life takes me...
I'll definitely keep an eye out for your post, I'm looking forward to reading it!
Chloe xxx